#Reflection shoes free
After so many hours in the classroom, students are set free into the world of health care. They keep me rooted.The third year of medical school is a rite of passage. I won’t always feel it or always have this clarity, but these encounters bring me back to basics, to His faithful abiding. This Pentecost, I’m wide awake to His presence.
It gave me extra time in my busy family life to meet Him. I’m grateful God allowed me to wake up at 4 AM. But at this moment, He told me to look, touch. There would be moments later when I would not see or feel His presence. He could have been angry with me for doubting, but instead, He kept chasing after me. I even stuck my hand in the hole in His side. I slowly walked over and reached out my hand. He gave me another look, which meant, Come on, Thomas. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Put your finger here see my hands, He said. And now they expect me to believe He’s alive? A week later, He showed up a second time, and this time I was with them. They even pierced His side to make sure He was dead.
Even though I hid during that horrible Friday afternoon, it was a public execution. I heard whispers about the tomb being empty, but when I reached the other disciples and they told me their account, I could not believe them. Thomas: I wasn’t with them on that first Sunday. There would be trials, but I would always have this faithful friend. He breathed the Holy Spirit on me, and I knew there would be a great adventure up ahead. I put my head on His chest and could feel His Heart beating. I ran to Him and He gave me the biggest bear hug. I had no rational arguments to explain it, but I just trusted Him. Where was this all headed? What happened to the amazing community we were building up? Will death be the last word? I struggled, but deep down I believed. He entrusted His Mother to me at that moment. I followed Him up that horrible hill and watched Him hang from the Cross naked. John: The Lord is alive! The Lord is alive! I knew He was up to something, even when everything seemed terrible on Friday. What was I thinking? Thank you for this second chance… How many times have I come through for you? Remember the fish I provided when you could catch none? Remember all the miracles? Have I ever let you down? Trust in me… Yes, Lord. If I could’ve spoken I would have begged forgiveness but I couldn’t even form the words. He was our Master and now… a criminal? When they asked if I knew Him, I told them they were barking up the wrong tree. This whole “Kingdom of God” thing we were building was over. When He got arrested, I felt it was over. Not only was a dead man standing, eyes wide open, in front of me, but this standing dead man was the one I previously called “Lord” and then just three days ago, I pretended I never knew. So many emotions were stirred up, I didn’t even know where to begin. Peter: When He showed up in that room, I was speechless. I pictured what it would have been like to be in the room. Then I placed myself in the shoes of Peter, John, and Thomas. I imagined what it would feel like if Christ showed up in my living room as I drank my coffee and opened the Scriptures.
Jesus came and stood among them… (Jn 20.19) Now they are hiding together, lost, aimless. Everything they knew, all the dreams they had, fell apart that day and came down crashing. Their Master has just been crucified the worst criminal’s death, two days prior. I got up, grabbed a coffee, and turned to the Scriptures. Should I fight to sleep or just get up and make a coffee? Today I chose to get up and begin the day. I can hear the birds chirping and I can see dawn rising. Once a week for the last month or so I’ve been wide awake for hours in the middle of the night. I didn’t plan on it my year-old son was stirring and I helped him get back to sleep.
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